Friday, January 20, 2012

Mt. Everest: An extensive look at handicap accessibility

I lied. It's not extensive at all. Just wanted to post that as my university studies draw to a close, my math skills are improving proportionally. For example (and I'm sure many of you have also had a yearning to know the answer to this question as well), I wanted to know how long the ramp would need to be to legally access the peak of Mt. Everest if one were disabled. If my math serves me, at 29,028 feet from base to peak, and with a national standard of wheelchair ramps being at a 1:12 ratio, the ramp would need to be 60.3 miles long. (Just so ya know, I took Math 110 twice). 

So.... That's all handy dandy, but can you imagine actually looking up at that and being like, wow, I have to wheel over 60 miles? ALL UPHILL? That's more than Mt. Everest itself! And on the way back, well, you'd be a human bowling ball, without bumpers. Yipes. But here's to equal opportunity!

Napoleon Dynamite Legislation: I Am Really Not Making This Up.

I came upon this legitimate bill from 2005, passed by the Idaho House of Representatives about our very own home-grown Napoleon Dynamite. Given that I worked as a page for the legislature in high school, I found this bill particularly, well... it made me giggle. Enjoy!!!



BE IT RESOLVED by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:

WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and creativity of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of "Napoleon Dynamite"; and

WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful city of Preston, County of Franklin and the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and

WHEREAS, film maker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was educated in the Idaho public school system; and

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and

WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export; and

WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has furthered multiethnic relationships; and

WHEREAS, Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's bicycle and Kip's skateboard promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and

WHEREAS, Grandma's trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights a long-honored Idaho vacation destination; and

WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and  glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendition of Trisha is an example of the importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, the school-wide Preston High School student body elections foster an awareness in Idaho's youth of public service  and civic duty; and

WHEREAS, the "Happy Hands" club and the requirements that candidates for school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, Pedro's efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and

WHEREAS, Kip's relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to e-commerce and Idaho's technology-driven industry; and

WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh's wedding shows Idaho's commitment to healthy marriages; and

WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group pays tribute to Idaho's beef industry; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's tetherball dexterity emphasizes the importance of physical education in Idaho public schools; and

WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H  milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and

WHEREAS, any member of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the  risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House  of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho's youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representatives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho's Hess family.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of Representatives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the  Mayor of the City of Preston and the Principal of Preston High School.

PASSED by the Idaho State Legislature on April 6, 2005.
YEA votes: 69
NAY votes: 0

My favorite parts: 1: Steak is now a food group. 2: The veiled threat at the end. 3: CHICKENS WITH LARGE TALONS AND THE HONEYMOON STALLION! Kills me every time! 4: Napoleon's artistic rendition of Trisha 5: Kip was on rollerblades (I'm totally writing to my local government officials for an amendment to this bill) 6:Pulling your brother behind your bike also counts as carpooling. 7: "A long honored Idaho vacation destination (I burned my math book there once... Does that count?)