Friday, December 2, 2011

Things I am Learning from Working with Infants and Toddlers

I am doing an internship with infants and toddlers in an Early Head Start program. I love these little guys. Some days are admittedly better than others. The following are things I have learned from them. This is, so far, an all-inclusive list:
NUMBER ONE: ANYTHING can be a weapon. Clay. A piece of paper. A beanbag. A washcloth. A child's hand. The ground. And teeth... A portable, permanent weapon, provided we keep teaching them to brush and floss.

NUMBER TWO: ANYTHING can and will be turned into a food item. Clay. A piece of paper. Stickers. Paint. Another child's arm. The edges of every surface imaginable. Soapy water. But NEVER, NEVER broccoli.
NUMBER THREE: Children will begin experiencing peer pressure once they are old enough either to wield a weapon or  put things into their mouth (See numbers one and two).

Monday, November 7, 2011

This is actually from this summer. My bad.

I got to see the Northern Lights tonight. They seemed at first to originate from two distinct points on the horizon, gradually and gracefully filling the space between until they converged into one solid ribbon of emerald light. I say solid but it never was... Just as fire retains no shape, neither do these brilliant, dancing streams. Some were misty and vague in their edges. Others were like the ivory of a piano, the colors and depth of illumination changing so quickly from one ray to the next that they took on the appearance of arpeggios, as if we were being allowed to witness the underpinnings of some cosmic, celestial melody.  The effect was unlike I had ever seen and rendered me awestruck instantly... Some of the rays curled out into beautiful whispers, perfectly framing the true Northern Light and its brother the Big Dipper. How complete it looked then! Soon the gleams evolved into rays that appeared to be conduits straight into heaven. Wanting a better vantage point, I lay down and nearly gasped at the enormity of it all. Truly, I saw a light exactly above my head, which descended gradually until it fell upon me, and though it was not a grandiose vision of God, it was a tender glimpse at His handiwork, and I more fully understood my relationship to Him--That I am loved by Him and that He appreciates and honors my love for Him as well. I shared the experience with two of my dear eternal friends, Dustin and Angela, among others, and I know I felt a sense of what it means to have Heavenly Father's love. It marks one of the most breathtaking, contented, and fulfilled moments of my life. Just witnessing it was enough. 

Friday, July 8, 2011

A man-maid building

I've written once about how to speak underwater....
On that same topic, we must discuss mermen.
Or, as a kid my sister babysat called them.....
Which brings a whole new meaning to the term "manmade ______"...
"Man-maid dam" ... Sure, just stack them up like sardines! They'll make a GREAT dam.
"Man-maid disaster", etc. I mean, we could run with this for decades.

Cantwell, Alaska

In my many attempts at world reform, I have started a very rudimentary letter to the governer of Alaska, where I currently reside. It concerns the city of Cantwell.
Cantwell, just fyi, has two bars and a million falling apart trailer homes. And by a million I mean about twelve. And by homes I mean condemned space. There were exactly two people in Cantwell's 2010 graduating class. Besides being a completely remote location of possibly, what.... 35 citizens, I attribute the educational count to the name of the city:
Can't well.
What a downer!
The name was given for the Cantwell River, later named the Nenana River (the no-fish-in-it river, in native Athabaskan).. So I feel no remorse in suggesting (strongly, with backup troops and extra artillery) a change in the name. To something like.....
Can well!
Or Mightaswell....
Or Verywell.....
Or It'sjustaswell.....
Or Ohwell.
Something else, to give the citizens of Cantwell hope in their currently glacier-coated hopes and dreams.

Monday, March 7, 2011

"...I'd Throw My Hand on a Blade for Ya..."

Wow... So I have listened to Bruno Mars' song "Grenade", which is laughable in all respects, including the tender and empathetic words, "I would catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah), throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah yeah), I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah), you know I'd do any-THANG for ya... I would die for you baby, but you won't do the same!" Like... Yeah.... I mean, I have been in love before, and yes, I would lay down my life, but does it seem like to anybody else that maybe, just maybe, he is suggesting that he would JUST do these things to prove his love? Like, I can imagine his beloved as a bystander to all of this. "Listen, I just wanted to go on a romantic walk on the tracks, okay, but there's a YOU IDIOT THERE'S A TRAIN COMING!!!! What are you.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And then she's much happier, obviously, because of all he did for her, only she's left with a horrific trauma she's gotta deal with AND she's boyfriend-widowed. Awesome. Plus, we all know that jumping in front of a train is effective in stopping the train in 100% of all reported cases.

So, with no further ado, I have decided to "tweak" the lyrics, adding some of my own, but most of these come from my sister Andi. We went back and forth texting lyrics for like an hour (Which made the Paul Mitchell student who was cutting my hair unsure of what to think of me, because I kept bursting out in fits of laughter):

*I would steal back your slave for ya,

*I would get lost in a maze for ya,

*Think up alternative names for ya,

*I'd win games at an arcade for ya...

*And I would be an old maid for ya,

*I'd do your work for a grade for ya,

*Have my pets neutered or spayed for ya,

*I'd take out my hearing aid for ya...

(p.s. Bob Barker would be so proud of the controlling the pet population bit)

*Have th'electric chair stayed for ya,

*Went to a movie and paid for ya,

*I sprayed the room with some Glade for ya,

*I sang a song in a p'rade for ya...

*I wore a fancy beret for ya,

*Hate-ED your play but I stayed for ya,

*I sold your kid on eBay for ya,

*And I went on a tirade for ya...

*I wrote a song that I played for ya,

*I dug up Grandma's remains for ya,

*I fell on a rollerblade for ya,

*I'd put my beard in a braid for ya...

*Took your se-CRET to the grave for ya,

*I squeezed some fresh lemonade for ya,

*I gave up my Gatorade for ya,

*And I went on a blind date for ya...

*I found your kitten who strayed for ya,

*Gave you some candy I saved for ya,

*I'll teach your grandma first aid for ya,

*I'll plant a bomb that I made for ya...

*I got an old scar to fade for ya,

*I bowled a 188 for ya,

*I put this cheese on a grate for ya,

*I moved to a brand new state for ya...

*I smashed Mom's new china plate for ya,

*Came to my wedding quite late for ya,

*I got a low interest rate for ya,

*Stayed up til quarter past eight for ya...

*I found the Army's the fate for ya,

*Balancedthis meal on a plate for ya,

*Stole from collection plates for ya,

*I squished this worm for some bait for ya...

(More to come, as if this isn't enough. It's addicting!)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

In Case of Fire: Childhood Confusion

My sisters and I were taking a leisurely trip into the booming metropolis of Rexburg when we saw a sign on the side of the road:
My 11-year old sister said that she used to think that it meant you couldn't pass the sign. This obviously made me laugh, but it's because I USED TO THINK THE SAME THING. Like, why do they even have road past the sign if you can't pass it anyways? I'd say, "We passed the DO NOT PASS sign!" and Mom acted like it wasn't even a big deal (appalled face)!

Of course, this was not the only area in which I found myself particularly... well, blonde...
I have always had a fear of being caught unprepared in a fire... Sometimes irrationally. My fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Paepke, may she rest in peace, had a tub full of pillows in the back of the room and when your turn came to be "vice president", you got to take your shoes off and spend the afternoon in the claw tub reading or whatever. But while most kids looked forward to spending time in there, I was frightened of the concept. I was just SURE that while I was in there, a fire would erupt and I would have to get out of the tub and out of the building without my shoes on. I had this fear that my feet would somehow burst into flames or that I'd be stuck standing in the snow barefoot while my alma mater incinerated. Yup... That was me as a child. lol

In my elementary school there were fire alarms all over. Well, instead of reading "Pull in case of fire", they said "Pull for fire". I was petrified of even going near them because I thought if I pulled it, it would START a fire. Childhood nightmares are woven by such misconceptions.

When I got older (and over my fear of the fire alarms), I saw something else that caught my attention. It was a fire extinguisher in a case that had written on the outside, "In case of fire, break glass with shoe". On the surface this is a wonderful idea. It keeps people from punching the glass and getting glass shards all up in their fists in a panic. But you KNOW there's gotta be that one daft guy who, instead of kicking the glass, actually takes his shoe off to bust into it. This leaves him with more problems than he started out with. He doesn't have a shoe on anymore, for one thing, AND there's glass all over the floor, AND there's still a fire in the building, AND he has to figure out how to use the fire extinguisher while simultaneously trying to put his shoe back on. I just hope I'm not the one in the claw tub in THAT building when it catches fire. lol