Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Ultimate Antiques Roadshow

Saturday evening used to always bring baths, curlers, and the Lawrence Welk Show. Lawrence Welk is... for old people. Antiques Roadshow, on the other hand is not. Well, not necessarily. It used to be for old (ahem, "experienced") things. You know, people bring in their vases and family heirlooms, tell the story of the item, and get it appraised to see if it will pay for Great Aunt Ethel's estate, since she didn't leave it to you in the will. But I have discovered a way to bring a little.... creativity... to the show.
I want to go onto the set of Antiques Roadshow with my grandparents, or maybe someone else's. At first they will think I've brought them on set so they can see all the "swell" antiques and even get something appraised... But when I get to the front of the line, I will PLUNK the person onto the table and say That's what I want appraised. I admit that this may seem a little unorthodox, but keep in mind I am not SELLING people, I am merely getting them appraised (the decision of whether to sell them or not comes at a later date and after measuring pros and cons on a piece of paper). At any rate, my guess is it will bring in a sweet sum, for many good and valid reasons.
The conversation will go something like this. "This is a completely original item. I got it from my great-grandmother. I still have the certificate of authenticity. It's in its original packaging, and you can tell it's an original by looking at the shape of the nose. There has been some slight discoloration over time in the hair and face, as well as some evidential oxidation in the teeth. There has also been slight damage to the surface through time. Still very valuable, though, as it looks like many others but is, in fact, a one-of-a-kind item."

The only problem is...
Old people that are twins.

No comments:

Post a Comment